Have you ever been out to sea? Far enough out that you can no longer smell the decay of life ended? Only the smell of wood, tar, and salt.. with the man smell of sweat, in the air. The sky so crisp and clear that at night you see the heavenly bodies from horizon to horizon, standing out so clear that you'd think you could really touch the stars.
I lay on my back staring at the heavens above, the lashed-down crate on the Quarter Deck hard under my back, the Mizzen the only thing that occasionally blocks my view. My sleep had been fitful since we left Windhelm, Ash's words replaying in my head over and over again.
"The answer is staring you in the face If you care to find it." Well damn it I cared.. I do. Okay, the day started with him pushing me out of bed...why? Well, the simple answer is, He's male, I'm female, and physical response.. but IF that was the right answer, he would have said so. Ash is not body shy and one can't really help a physical response, so it's not just the physical.
So emotions behind the physical, hmm yeah that sounds about right. I blinked my eyes hard, Holy Mother of Mara... Love, it's the only thing that made any sense. Ash Loves me and not like a sister or daughter, cause the eww factor would prohibit that kind of physical reaction.
Now, how do I feel about him? That is a scary thought, once thought it can never be changed. I knew I loved him, that has always been a given, I looked hard into my heart, closing my eyes I let nothing distract me. My thoughts went from memory to memory, back through time.
I stopped at the one memory, I was sixteen and my hormones and feelings were all twisted up. Ash was my hero, mentor, friend, guardian, and constant companion, the child's love had turned to physical feelings, turbulent and all-consuming.
One overheard conversation.. The head of our order warned Ash that I was too young to know my own mind, that we must continue as we had or we would be separated. I had looked at my behavior and realized No matter if my feelings were true or not, I could not stand the thought of being separated, so I buried my feelings.
As I got older, some childish part of me decided that I would force Ash to see me as a woman, not a child. That Lordling had been my attempt a trying to love someone else, the fact that he wanted only the physical and I reacted badly to that, Ash had mistaken for a broken heart. Bruised ego, that is all it had been, thankfully Ash hadn't actually hurt the boy.
The clothes I wore, at times, the lovers I took.. all that was to tweak Ash's nose. I felt sick, I was old enough now and woman enough that the Prior would not separate us if I chose Ash as my Lover or Husband. I sat up and thought with horror, about the looks I had seen on Ash's face, the disgust, the hurt, but more often than not, just a blank look that showed nothing.
If he did love me, I had done nothing but hurt him. Oh, I royally sucked, but I would make it up to him. I could only hope that his love was deep enough to forgive.
************
The world slowly came back into focus as Ash shook me again. The concerned look on his face and the pain where he was holding onto my arms were the only reasons I knew that he had been shaking me for a while.
"Tsuri.. come on girl, come out of it!" His voice was gruff, and his face had a strained look to it.
"Ash, quit shaking me." I looked around and blinked, gone was the ash and washed-out grey, in its place was snow and green. I turned my head as far as it would go in both directions and saw that we were in a mountain valley that swept down to the sea. "Where are we?"
"I don't know. You sat down in the chair at the Inn and closed your eyes, then stood up and started muttering something walking away. I followed and when you started to fade out, I grabbed a hold of you, and the next thing I knew here we are."
We stood there for a minute or so, taking in the people and goblin-like creatures, who all seemed to be muttering something while chiseling at the stone monolith. Plus I was more than happy to be in Ash's arms, even if it was in a backward manner. Then out from around one of the pillars two of the cultists attacked.
These two must not have had really good training, as the fight was short and pretty easy. Of course, if they were used to only the zombie-like workers, it might be understandable.
As we walked to the larger structure on the top of the hill, I noticed something that had my heart wrung out. Dragon bones and from the way they were scattered about, hundreds of them. This was only one side of the hill, no wonder I felt grief from our Lord, how could he be happy with his Children dying in such numbers?
It also explained why I felt rage from the dragons themselves, I had thought it was just Alduin and his followers, but now, looking at them, feeling that their souls were gone, I knew that was not why.
Adien absorbed their souls when they died and gained their knowledge, I did not and I had wondered why our father had given him that power and not me, I did not wonder any longer. He had one job to do, sending Alduin back to the Immortal Plane, though many would mistake it as him dying. My job was to stop whoever was killing all Father's children for their souls.
We ascended to the Temple and walked around it, more people, these at least dressed for the cold and what looked like bandits, were working on the Temple here. We were almost all the way around when we saw a woman in armor trying to get some others to stop their work and "go home".
I lay on my back staring at the heavens above, the lashed-down crate on the Quarter Deck hard under my back, the Mizzen the only thing that occasionally blocks my view. My sleep had been fitful since we left Windhelm, Ash's words replaying in my head over and over again.
"The answer is staring you in the face If you care to find it." Well damn it I cared.. I do. Okay, the day started with him pushing me out of bed...why? Well, the simple answer is, He's male, I'm female, and physical response.. but IF that was the right answer, he would have said so. Ash is not body shy and one can't really help a physical response, so it's not just the physical.
So emotions behind the physical, hmm yeah that sounds about right. I blinked my eyes hard, Holy Mother of Mara... Love, it's the only thing that made any sense. Ash Loves me and not like a sister or daughter, cause the eww factor would prohibit that kind of physical reaction.
Now, how do I feel about him? That is a scary thought, once thought it can never be changed. I knew I loved him, that has always been a given, I looked hard into my heart, closing my eyes I let nothing distract me. My thoughts went from memory to memory, back through time.
I stopped at the one memory, I was sixteen and my hormones and feelings were all twisted up. Ash was my hero, mentor, friend, guardian, and constant companion, the child's love had turned to physical feelings, turbulent and all-consuming.
One overheard conversation.. The head of our order warned Ash that I was too young to know my own mind, that we must continue as we had or we would be separated. I had looked at my behavior and realized No matter if my feelings were true or not, I could not stand the thought of being separated, so I buried my feelings.
As I got older, some childish part of me decided that I would force Ash to see me as a woman, not a child. That Lordling had been my attempt a trying to love someone else, the fact that he wanted only the physical and I reacted badly to that, Ash had mistaken for a broken heart. Bruised ego, that is all it had been, thankfully Ash hadn't actually hurt the boy.
The clothes I wore, at times, the lovers I took.. all that was to tweak Ash's nose. I felt sick, I was old enough now and woman enough that the Prior would not separate us if I chose Ash as my Lover or Husband. I sat up and thought with horror, about the looks I had seen on Ash's face, the disgust, the hurt, but more often than not, just a blank look that showed nothing.
If he did love me, I had done nothing but hurt him. Oh, I royally sucked, but I would make it up to him. I could only hope that his love was deep enough to forgive.
************
The world slowly came back into focus as Ash shook me again. The concerned look on his face and the pain where he was holding onto my arms were the only reasons I knew that he had been shaking me for a while.
"Tsuri.. come on girl, come out of it!" His voice was gruff, and his face had a strained look to it.
"Ash, quit shaking me." I looked around and blinked, gone was the ash and washed-out grey, in its place was snow and green. I turned my head as far as it would go in both directions and saw that we were in a mountain valley that swept down to the sea. "Where are we?"
"I don't know. You sat down in the chair at the Inn and closed your eyes, then stood up and started muttering something walking away. I followed and when you started to fade out, I grabbed a hold of you, and the next thing I knew here we are."
We stood there for a minute or so, taking in the people and goblin-like creatures, who all seemed to be muttering something while chiseling at the stone monolith. Plus I was more than happy to be in Ash's arms, even if it was in a backward manner. Then out from around one of the pillars two of the cultists attacked.
These two must not have had really good training, as the fight was short and pretty easy. Of course, if they were used to only the zombie-like workers, it might be understandable.
As we walked to the larger structure on the top of the hill, I noticed something that had my heart wrung out. Dragon bones and from the way they were scattered about, hundreds of them. This was only one side of the hill, no wonder I felt grief from our Lord, how could he be happy with his Children dying in such numbers?
It also explained why I felt rage from the dragons themselves, I had thought it was just Alduin and his followers, but now, looking at them, feeling that their souls were gone, I knew that was not why.
Adien absorbed their souls when they died and gained their knowledge, I did not and I had wondered why our father had given him that power and not me, I did not wonder any longer. He had one job to do, sending Alduin back to the Immortal Plane, though many would mistake it as him dying. My job was to stop whoever was killing all Father's children for their souls.
We ascended to the Temple and walked around it, more people, these at least dressed for the cold and what looked like bandits, were working on the Temple here. We were almost all the way around when we saw a woman in armor trying to get some others to stop their work and "go home".
*****
"I am here to either avenge my people or bring them home. My Father, who is the Shaman of our people, has put up a ward, but it is faltering and more people join these daily. This is a Temple of Miraak, built during the Age of the Dragon Cult, they are rebuilding it, for what purpose, we can only guess. I have not been able to find a way in, the gates are barred from within, but I know in my heart, that the answer is in the Temple.
As we asked her more questions two of the cultists attacked us and we followed her down into a gate she said had previously been locked. We fought our way down... down into the bowels of the earth. It was hot and cold by turns, damp often seeping through the walls.
Cultists and draugr barred our way, but only for brief moments in time. Frea and Ash fought with the same style and meshed very well together, I supplied support, healing and when needed an extra sword, though for the most part, I just used magic.
We had just fought a rather brutal skirmish with a combination of cultists and powerful draugr, when we got to a door. Ash and I stopped and looked at each other.
"We need to stop and replenish some of the energy that we've expended," Ash said to Frea as she went to open the next door.
"We need to hurry, my people are in Peril!" She sounded adamant, but we had been fighting and traveling down for hours now.
"Frea, without food, your body will slow and your reflexes will become sluggish, you can't help your people if you are dead," Ash's voice resonated with the experience.
I pulled out the bars that the Order found to be good travel rations and also a great source of energy even during a protracted battle. Made with pieces of nuts, honey, and berries, the bar's tasted good also. Each of us took one and ate it quickly, washing it down with water, which we needed just as much.
I felt the evil in the next room and expected a large group of cultists or draugr, what we found was a book, sitting on a pedestal. We walked around it and looked at it.. I got closer and put my hand over the top of it, being careful not to touch it, feeling the blackness within.
"Ash, this is the evil we feel, but it's only a conduit, not the evil itself." I was puzzled, conduits were usually something much more permanent than a book. " The only way to get more from it would be to open it and read whatever is written in it."
Ash looked at the book and I could see the indecision in his eyes, but I was a Priestess after all, this was part of my training. "Go ahead and read it, but be very careful, you never know what kind of spell or curse is on a book. For this one to reek of evil, it must have some kind of spell."
Before I picked up the book, I told them to step back and I caste a ward spell. Sending up a prayer to Akatosh, to keep me safe in his arms, I opened myself to him and then opened the book.
The world went black and I had the sensation of moving through that darkness without ever leaving the spot I was in. I heard Ash's yell and Freya's gasp and then I could see again.
I was no longer in the dank and dim cavern room, the green light was eerie ... my sight filled with seekers and a cultist who was talking to them, then a dragon landed as the man turned around and hit me with a spell that knocked me off my feet and then another that paralyzed me.
I screamed in the back of my mind, I had never been in danger without Ash to watch my back. I reached in my mind, but I could not feel him, I reached for the spark that was there and heard the rustle of wings and the warmth of our Father's breath on my cheeks... "peace Child, your time is not now, all will be well." With those few words, I straightened my backbone, without moving and listened to the words of the man.
"Who are you to dare set foot here? Ahh.. You are Dragonborn. I can feel it.. and yet.. You have done little beyond killing a few dragons." I giggled inside, being Dragonborn was the least of my skills and abilities. He felt the same as Adien, except more powerful and evil. " Mul..Gah Diiv!" an aura surrounded him at these words and I set them to memory, " This realm is beyond you. You have no power here. I shall return you to Solstheim soon." He turned away to walk towards the dragon.
"Send her back to where she came from, She can await my return with the rest of Tamriel." I was not averse to returning to Ash, I had some things I needed to say to him, some things I needed to think about.
The Seekers hit me with their tentacles each whiplash hurting more than the last, but with each hit, I also felt myself losing my grip on this realm. I took one last look around, the piles of books, the seekers, the green skies.. Hermeaus Mora, his realm. The last lash felt as if it was ripping through my skin and I screamed as the pain caused the world to go black.
I cut my scream off as the cavern and Ash returned to my field of view. I shuddered and then stiffened my back again as Freya walked up to me.
"Are you ok? You opened the book and then faded, you were here and yet...not." She seemed concerned and when I explained where I had gone, she was even more so. She was barely containing her fear and excitement when she said we needed to talk to her father, now. She headed for the exit and I turned to Ash, who walked over to me and pulled me against his chest in a rib-crushing hug.
"Ash.. armor.. I need to ..breathe.." His arms loosened slightly, but it was enough I could breathe. I leaned back against his arms to look up at him. I could feel the tremble in his arms and the way he was breathing deeply. I wiggled my arm up til I could cup his cheek in my hand as I looked into his eyes.
" I know my timing is terrible, but. I love you, Ash." As he dipped his head down to kiss me. I could see the smile on his lips.
" I know, I was only waiting for you to realize it." His arms tightened again and the way his lips moved against mine and the emotions I felt, I'm sure the Lady Mara would have something to say. " I love you also Tsurista." His forehead against mine, I could feel his heartbeat and the ragged way he was breathing.
Knowing we would have to follow after Freya before she returned, I moved the space it took to place my lips back on his. I nibbled at his lips as I ran my finger through the short hair at his nape. I drew a deep breath and stepped back before Freya came back and chided us for not hurrying.
"Mo Chroi M'anam" Those few words sounded like heaven. My Heart, My soul..
"I am here to either avenge my people or bring them home. My Father, who is the Shaman of our people, has put up a ward, but it is faltering and more people join these daily. This is a Temple of Miraak, built during the Age of the Dragon Cult, they are rebuilding it, for what purpose, we can only guess. I have not been able to find a way in, the gates are barred from within, but I know in my heart, that the answer is in the Temple.
As we asked her more questions two of the cultists attacked us and we followed her down into a gate she said had previously been locked. We fought our way down... down into the bowels of the earth. It was hot and cold by turns, damp often seeping through the walls.
Cultists and draugr barred our way, but only for brief moments in time. Frea and Ash fought with the same style and meshed very well together, I supplied support, healing and when needed an extra sword, though for the most part, I just used magic.
We had just fought a rather brutal skirmish with a combination of cultists and powerful draugr, when we got to a door. Ash and I stopped and looked at each other.
"We need to stop and replenish some of the energy that we've expended," Ash said to Frea as she went to open the next door.
"We need to hurry, my people are in Peril!" She sounded adamant, but we had been fighting and traveling down for hours now.
"Frea, without food, your body will slow and your reflexes will become sluggish, you can't help your people if you are dead," Ash's voice resonated with the experience.
I pulled out the bars that the Order found to be good travel rations and also a great source of energy even during a protracted battle. Made with pieces of nuts, honey, and berries, the bar's tasted good also. Each of us took one and ate it quickly, washing it down with water, which we needed just as much.
I felt the evil in the next room and expected a large group of cultists or draugr, what we found was a book, sitting on a pedestal. We walked around it and looked at it.. I got closer and put my hand over the top of it, being careful not to touch it, feeling the blackness within.
"Ash, this is the evil we feel, but it's only a conduit, not the evil itself." I was puzzled, conduits were usually something much more permanent than a book. " The only way to get more from it would be to open it and read whatever is written in it."
Ash looked at the book and I could see the indecision in his eyes, but I was a Priestess after all, this was part of my training. "Go ahead and read it, but be very careful, you never know what kind of spell or curse is on a book. For this one to reek of evil, it must have some kind of spell."
Before I picked up the book, I told them to step back and I caste a ward spell. Sending up a prayer to Akatosh, to keep me safe in his arms, I opened myself to him and then opened the book.
The world went black and I had the sensation of moving through that darkness without ever leaving the spot I was in. I heard Ash's yell and Freya's gasp and then I could see again.
I was no longer in the dank and dim cavern room, the green light was eerie ... my sight filled with seekers and a cultist who was talking to them, then a dragon landed as the man turned around and hit me with a spell that knocked me off my feet and then another that paralyzed me.
I screamed in the back of my mind, I had never been in danger without Ash to watch my back. I reached in my mind, but I could not feel him, I reached for the spark that was there and heard the rustle of wings and the warmth of our Father's breath on my cheeks... "peace Child, your time is not now, all will be well." With those few words, I straightened my backbone, without moving and listened to the words of the man.
"Who are you to dare set foot here? Ahh.. You are Dragonborn. I can feel it.. and yet.. You have done little beyond killing a few dragons." I giggled inside, being Dragonborn was the least of my skills and abilities. He felt the same as Adien, except more powerful and evil. " Mul..Gah Diiv!" an aura surrounded him at these words and I set them to memory, " This realm is beyond you. You have no power here. I shall return you to Solstheim soon." He turned away to walk towards the dragon.
"Send her back to where she came from, She can await my return with the rest of Tamriel." I was not averse to returning to Ash, I had some things I needed to say to him, some things I needed to think about.
The Seekers hit me with their tentacles each whiplash hurting more than the last, but with each hit, I also felt myself losing my grip on this realm. I took one last look around, the piles of books, the seekers, the green skies.. Hermeaus Mora, his realm. The last lash felt as if it was ripping through my skin and I screamed as the pain caused the world to go black.
I cut my scream off as the cavern and Ash returned to my field of view. I shuddered and then stiffened my back again as Freya walked up to me.
"Are you ok? You opened the book and then faded, you were here and yet...not." She seemed concerned and when I explained where I had gone, she was even more so. She was barely containing her fear and excitement when she said we needed to talk to her father, now. She headed for the exit and I turned to Ash, who walked over to me and pulled me against his chest in a rib-crushing hug.
"Ash.. armor.. I need to ..breathe.." His arms loosened slightly, but it was enough I could breathe. I leaned back against his arms to look up at him. I could feel the tremble in his arms and the way he was breathing deeply. I wiggled my arm up til I could cup his cheek in my hand as I looked into his eyes.
" I know my timing is terrible, but. I love you, Ash." As he dipped his head down to kiss me. I could see the smile on his lips.
" I know, I was only waiting for you to realize it." His arms tightened again and the way his lips moved against mine and the emotions I felt, I'm sure the Lady Mara would have something to say. " I love you also Tsurista." His forehead against mine, I could feel his heartbeat and the ragged way he was breathing.
Knowing we would have to follow after Freya before she returned, I moved the space it took to place my lips back on his. I nibbled at his lips as I ran my finger through the short hair at his nape. I drew a deep breath and stepped back before Freya came back and chided us for not hurrying.
"Mo Chroi M'anam" Those few words sounded like heaven. My Heart, My soul..
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